Escape

I'm relieved to be honest. I dunno why. But I am. It's weird cos relieved is not the first thing that comes to my mind you know. But there it is.

My escape. A way out of the world I never truly fit in and into a brave new world. Hopefully there I'll be able to be who I truly am and not just someone who everyone wants me to be.

I'll finally be free. No more dreading going to gatherings desperately wishing to be somewhere else and seeing those fake people who doesn't give a shit about you. No more feeling like you don't belong with people who you've known for the past 10 years. No more having to put up with people who annoy you like shit. No more nagging. No more accusation. No more pretending to be happy. No more pretending to be what I'm not.

But despite all that there's also a part of me who's afraid to leave. Leave the place I call home. The place where I feel safe. Well, most of the time that is.

They say once you leave home, you can never really return to it. A friend told me this while we were having dinner and I never realised how true it was till now.

“There is always a moment you can look back on,
a single instant that you remember for the rest of your life –
something that makes you go,
‘that was it, that was the time my life changed forever’.
And you know you’re never the same, because of that
One, solitary moment.”
- Paulina Pavo

Song of the moment : Augustana - Boston