Almost, But

Hey, so if you actually know me you'll know that I'm not the most open person in the world. I keep everything inside for reasons that I myself don't quite understand. I rarely let anyone in and if someone gets too close I pull away.

Aaaanyways I was thinking about death a lot the couple of days (maybe cos I was at the hospital a lot) and I began to wonder what if I had died (don't worry I'm fine) and no one got to know the real me. My family and friends would have memories of who they think is me but in reality it's actually not. And that scared me cos I won't be there to tell them how wrong they are, no one will. Then I thought about what my friends and family would say about me and how they would contradict each other which I think would be pretty funny (for me) and shocking (for them).

I am actually 2 different people (no not in a nikki/jessica way). Who I am with my family is different with who I am with my friends. Which is the real me? Most definitely not who I am with my family. Believe it or not my family are the ones who have no freaking idea who I am but sadly they think that they are the one who actually knows me. Well here's the truth who I am to my friends are pretty close to who I truly am but not quite yet. I still hold back when I'm with them. Maybe cos I'm afraid, of what I'm not sure.

So in case I die (which everyone will sooner or later, hopefully later) here's something that you most probably don't know bout me (actually one person do know bout this, but she might have forgotten). I create, make up, narrate, whatever you want to call it, stories in my head. I would have a storyline and everything based on fictional characters and sometimes based on non-fictional characters. All my stories are usually very angst and deals with real life situation. I won't tell you what its about nor will I share them cos that would be too much.

I don't know why I do it. Maybe cos I'm bored and have nothing better to do or cos I hate my life and so I create another world where I can escape or maybe cos I was a writer in my pass life or maybe it's because I have no life. Yes I'm feeling really down bout myself right now. And all that I can think about is to just go somewhere far away and escape everything. But I'll come back though cos no matter what running away is not the answer.

Sorry bout the angst post everyone. Btw here's a quote that I keep hearing and it can't seem to get out of my head

"Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else"

Song of the moment : The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You