My Racing Thoughts

There are days where I accept the situation. And my heart says everything will be okay. That this is the right step for me. And I feel calm

Then there are days where I feel so restless and I can't think straight. My heart feels like it's hurting and all I want to do is scream.

Part of me can't wait for this to be over but I'm not going down without a fight. I just need to figure out which side to be on.

Blindsided

I'm nervous as hell but I'm too scared to do anything about it. I think I'm not ready but I pray that I'm wrong. My heart is beating like a hammer, waiting anxiously for the day to arrive. I know I should do something about it but every time I'll distract myself instead. Finding reasons to delay the inevitable. And before you know it time is running out. I should spent my nights preparing and thinking of what to say but instead all I do is wishing I was there with you.

Rumour Has It

we should learn to question why we do something instead of blindly following just because its the norm. everything happens for a reason.

Cause when the roof cave in and the truth came out I just didn't know what to do

I know this hurts, it was meant to
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one

Thoughts of you warm my bones

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

And just like that we're back to square one.

Song of the moment : Angus and Julia Stone - You're the One That I Want

Waves of Change

three different countries. three different company. three different experience. three very different feelings.

1. I imagined going here with a larger group but even with just the 3 of us I had fun. We were just acquaintances but we left this place as friends and that is something I will never regret.

2. After years of wanting to go here it finally happened. We did it guys and this was such a great way to celebrate what we have achieved. I can't wait for our next trip!

3. Probably the most tiring, the most anticipated, the most pressured and the most memorable trip. all the hard work payed off and even if you think we left empty handed in truth we gained so much more especially in terms of relationship. We have become so much closer and it hurts to know how much more you will achieve and knowing I can't be part of it. Whatever it is just know that you make me proud every day.

Song of the moment : Whitley - More Than Life

Delicate

So many things were left unsaid and as I sit here, I'm overcome with this rush of feeling that I never thought was possible. The loss that I've experienced has never hurt as mush as this. Looking around and seeing the empty chairs only makes it worst. We have come so far but every beginning has an ending and unfortunately this is ours. You have a bigger journey ahead of you and I would give anything to be part of that but it is time for me to let go and watch you grow.

You have taught me a lot and I'm sorry if I didn't show my appreciation or have hurt your feelings in any way. I wish you guys all the best and I hope that the time we have spent with each other means as much to me as it does to you. They haven't invented words for how proud I am of you. To have experienced this with you guys was an honour that I could never imagine. If I could have one wish it would be for this moment to last forever.

Song of the moment : Emy Reynolds - Tonight

Love Lost

This fight was inevitable. The minute we got together I could already feel it. We were two very different people with two very distinct ways of thinking. I see black and you see white. But then maybe that's why we worked. You see things I don't see and vice versa. We were able to cover all the bases. Of course there were fights, the small bickering, butting of heads on which path to take, that was unavoidable. But in the end what brought us back to track was the purpose we were together. And we would compromised and everything would be fine, great even.

But lately we've been fighting more and we can't seem to be on the same page. I already had a feeling a big fight was coming and I prepared myself to keep cool. Unfortunately luck was against us and we fought when both of us was at the lowest. The funny thing is that it wasn't even a big issue just a little misscommunication. Sadly here we are on two opposite sides but still maintaining the facade and being strong in front of the rest.

I've always disagreed the way you handle yourself when you're around them. Speaking so highly of people who are rarely around. But I kept my mouth shut cause that was a battle I knew I was going to lose. When it comes to them you could never think clearly. But maybe now that I'm gone you will finally realize how much weight I was actually carrying.

Typing this has made me realize that the reason I am mad at you is because I think you are taking advantage of me and it's like you don't appreciate the things I do. I doubt I'll ever hear your reasons for being mad at me. But who knows maybe there will come a time when we would be able to talk with each other without spite and awkwardness.

So goodbye for now and even if I do disagree with what you decide later I shall keep my word and mouth shut.

Song of the moment : Jason Walker - Down

Cold Wind Blows

i know that sometimes i make you mad. how my words just comes out without thinking what it means or how it makes you feel. and once it does it's something that i can never take back. but i just want you to know how much i love you for never staying mad.