Clockwatching

Walking home doesn’t feel right anymore. The falling leaves and the red coloured cabs bring us back to a different time. A time where things were easy, and no one had to be on their toes all the time, constantly being cautious of what they might say or what secret they might accidentally blurt out. One syllabus answers gives so much away and unspoken words never seem so loud.

Walking home was something to look forward to. Crossing the street together or having someone hold your hand even waiting for you on the other side reminds us we are not alone. Life was neither complicated nor grey. Silence used to be nothing but comfort but now it’s full of awkwardness that it makes me want to scream. When you’re happy, I’m carefree but when you’re unpleasant, I pull away. I hate that but you love it and apparently that’s why we are able to survive, so they say.

Walking home is something I dread now. The sky is getting dark so I put on my sweater. I’m afraid for the rain that is coming but I welcome it anyway. At a different time, comfort and stability was what brought and kept us together. Sometimes I get a glimpse of those moments and my day shines brightly. But a slight wind would cause the candle to burn out then there would just be me, you and the darkness.

Walking home is tiring. There are still 873 steps to home. Some things do stay the same but now it feels longer. Being home by 4pm is no longer an option. Things change and people change but my only wish is that we don’t. Replacements are inevitable but the truth is they don’t even come close.

Walking home feels lonely and movies are not the same anymore.

Song of the moment : Metric - Gimme Sympathy (Acoustic)