Almost, But

Hey, so if you actually know me you'll know that I'm not the most open person in the world. I keep everything inside for reasons that I myself don't quite understand. I rarely let anyone in and if someone gets too close I pull away.

Aaaanyways I was thinking about death a lot the couple of days (maybe cos I was at the hospital a lot) and I began to wonder what if I had died (don't worry I'm fine) and no one got to know the real me. My family and friends would have memories of who they think is me but in reality it's actually not. And that scared me cos I won't be there to tell them how wrong they are, no one will. Then I thought about what my friends and family would say about me and how they would contradict each other which I think would be pretty funny (for me) and shocking (for them).

I am actually 2 different people (no not in a nikki/jessica way). Who I am with my family is different with who I am with my friends. Which is the real me? Most definitely not who I am with my family. Believe it or not my family are the ones who have no freaking idea who I am but sadly they think that they are the one who actually knows me. Well here's the truth who I am to my friends are pretty close to who I truly am but not quite yet. I still hold back when I'm with them. Maybe cos I'm afraid, of what I'm not sure.

So in case I die (which everyone will sooner or later, hopefully later) here's something that you most probably don't know bout me (actually one person do know bout this, but she might have forgotten). I create, make up, narrate, whatever you want to call it, stories in my head. I would have a storyline and everything based on fictional characters and sometimes based on non-fictional characters. All my stories are usually very angst and deals with real life situation. I won't tell you what its about nor will I share them cos that would be too much.

I don't know why I do it. Maybe cos I'm bored and have nothing better to do or cos I hate my life and so I create another world where I can escape or maybe cos I was a writer in my pass life or maybe it's because I have no life. Yes I'm feeling really down bout myself right now. And all that I can think about is to just go somewhere far away and escape everything. But I'll come back though cos no matter what running away is not the answer.

Sorry bout the angst post everyone. Btw here's a quote that I keep hearing and it can't seem to get out of my head

"Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else"

Song of the moment : The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You

It's over. It's so over.

I had so much hope on you

You were the one that wasn't going to disappoint me

You were suppose to make it all better

I expected this from the rest but never from you

Thats why its hurting so much more

But I dont blame you

Its not your fault

I only have myself to blame.

Jigsaw Falling Into Place

I feel like I'm on top of the world!

And no one can take this feeling away from me, especially not you.

Song of the moment: Dave Barnes - Until You

Where There's Gold...

Time flies. Kelip mata buka mata kelip mata buka mata and it is already nearing the end of my 3rd semester at Nowhere Uni. My finals is in a week or so and biasala i'm so not prepared for it. I think this would be THE semester. I can feel it in my guts. But watever, I dont care. Seriously.

I've been thinking, why should i try so hard to excel in something when it is not something i want to truly do? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dont give a shit. I do. I'm not that selfish cos if I was then I wouldn't be here. But here's the thing it's in my nature to want to be good in everything that I do. But maybe this time I could make an exception. Cos maybe i'm just tired. Tired of trying to keep everyone happy.

So this semester I acted a little selfish. I did the things that I want. And everything turned out great. I made new friends (well some were not exactly new la. I mean we were friends before but now we became friends, got it? ahhaha) and I was involved in one of the biggest event here which is EDX 20 (Engineering Design eXhibiton).

EDX is an event held every semester where students from third and final year are able to present their designs/projects to be judged. This semester EDX20 introduced a new category which was open innovation (OIC) where anyone was able join. So one of my friends decided to take a chance and enter us in. Luckily for us we got one of our lecturers as an advisor and he gave us his idea on what we should do. And let me tell you preparing for EDX was a whole lotta fun. Plus my group members were awesome. No one could have pick a better team.

Aaaanyways here are some photos that we took

Pre-EDX

The EE Lab where we did our circuit
( We felt so out of place as we were from chemical and petroleum programme)

Our work table
(it looks very organized rite? actually I wanted to make it look messy but then tak berjaya)

Cheh concentrationg konon

Kuhan smiling at God knows what
(See those rulers on the table? We have no idea where they are now)

Adonis and I posing with our finished base

Presenting "A System to Uphold Exam Integrity"
(it looks so lonely...)

Our finished poster
( We stayed up till 5.30am to finish it!)

Taking a break while designing our booth

EDX 20 - Day One

Opening Ceremony of EDX 20 at undercroft
(its located below our chancellor complex; so we're actually "underground")

I want! I want! I want!

The team minus Adonis cos he went back to change wtf

CheatBusters
(such a lame name, i know. trust me the previous name was lame-r)

Our very "shy" system
(first time its being shown to people)

Kuhan presenting, Nirash looking confused and Adonis well I have no idea

Our system being judged (wah... center of attention...)

Me with the system (poyonyer)

First time EDX was held at the Chancellor Complex
(the building behind me is the library)

EDX 20 - Day Two

We won! We won!
(We won the gold medal, got 2nd for most innovative award and was awarded best presenter for OIC)

The complete team
(from left: Kuhan, Adonis, Dr Balbir, Nirash, Me, Aiman)

Song of the moment : Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come

Turning Point

You know that feeling when you want something so badly but you end up not getting it and instead someone else gets it. It gets worse when that person dont even appreciate the oppurtunity that they are given. Life's not fair. I've known this since forever but the dissapointment is still there.

Usually when I dont get something that I really really want I'd be in this really bad mood and I dont talk to my friends (and they would think that I was mad at them but actually I'm not, well to some of them that is) and my whole day would just sux and all I wanna do is just go back to my room and sleep and pretend like nothing happened. But of course I can't do that. Why? Cos life's like that.

Then after a few days (one week tops) I'd eventually get over the dissapointment and just learn to accept the descision. Thats how I usually deal with things that I dont like happening to me. I'd just make myself realise that somehow there's a reason for everything that happens, that God has this plan for me to go through all this. But unfortunately I would only realise this after a few days and by that time the damage is already done.

Song of the moment : Dashboard Confessional - The Shade of Poison Trees

October Baby

wow emonyer post kat bawah tu
must have been one of those days. luckilly i'm over it, i think

so aaanyways eventhough i have like 4 tests coming up, 2 assignemts to hand up and 2 projects to be finished (hopefully by next week) I still had the time to watch all these amazing premieres

heres how i rate them

1. greys anatomy
2. heroes
3. prison break
4. desperate housewives
5. private practice

oh ya and tomorrows my bday!!! So to sort of celebrate i'm going to go out with some of my friends for dinner later tonight at pizza hut (see how sad it is here, the only decent place to eat is pizza hut!). I actually had something planned for this dinner but shit happens and its times like this that I remember why you can never replace them.

Song of the moment : Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young - Our House

She says

All I want to know right now is

Did they even notice I wasn't there?

I kinda have a feeling I know the answer to that but I pray to God that I'm wrong. If its true that I'll finally know just how insignificant I am to them. Funny thing is they still dare to ask why I'd prefer spending time with everyone but them.

Song of the moment : Paolo Nutini - Last Request

Crashed

WAKE UP!

That my friend was my long awaited wake up call which I've been waiting for since last semester but never came. Hence, the situation that I got myself into now. My so-called nilai dan pengajaran of the week

NEVER GO BACK WHEN YOU HAVE TEST THAT WEEK!

I went back and ended up I got 9.5/29 for my test. 9.5! 9.5!! And did I mention I had 2 freaking test on that day and this was the paper that I thought I did better at. So who knows what marks i'll get for the other paper, sigh.

Ya sure whatever... its just a test rite. Well I can't help it that I'm a nerd inside! Ahhaha

Aaaanyways today I managed to preoccupy myself of making an ambigram/anagram (all your fault sieutheng!) of my name which is quite easy (if you wanna make an ambigram that is) but nooooo I want an ambigram/anagram so first I had to think of a word to incorporate with my name and till now I havent found one ahhaha

So instead now at this moment (after getting an sms from my friend reminding me that I have a test tomorrow) I'll be focusing my attention on TPW. Bet you can't guess what that stands for haha

p.s. ya i know this post very takde isi but I havent blog in quite some time and I actually did have something in mind to blog about but last minute I thought better not la... so thats why you are left with this meaningless post and if you're still reading this I would like to apologize for wasting your time which you could have spent doing something else. And right now I'm just blabbing and procrastinating myself from actually switching off the computer and going to study (see I'm a nerd!). Ok la... I better stop now. Seriously.

Song of the moment : Sara Bareilles - Gravity

Bittersweet Symphony

Yay! I've officially survived my first week in the uni that I love oh so much (can you taste the sarcasm?). The past week was busy busy busy. We had to fight for the lectures and tutorials that we wanted (so that our fridays are free of course), buy books and notes and on top of that I was involved in an event called Symphonyfest.

Symphonyfest is like a day for anyone who play or appreciate music to gather and have fun. It was a one day event but I was too tired to go for the morning session so I only went for the night performances and boy were they good. The classical and jazz orchestra, indian orchestra and chinese orchestra accompanied by the uni's choir members opened the show and they were totally awesome seeing that most of them only had a week to practise. The only down side was the choir's choice of song which was Belaian Jiwa and Warisan, too common for my taste.

But the performance that I was really looking forward to was by the gamelan group and they definitely did not dissapoint me. They totally rocked the night! The music that they played was so hypnotizing and by the end of the night I had convinced myself to learn to play an instrument (I think everyone who went left feeling like that ahhaha). Watching them play made me a little jealous that they have that talent. I definitely regret not learning to play an instrument when I was younger, sigh. But its ok my friend promised to teach me how to play drums and I'm now enrolled in gamelan ii so at least I'm making some progress, right?

After the students finished showing their talents and proving to people that we can also rock in music eventhough we are an engineering and technology university, the stage was given to two local artists, Cheryl Samad and Altimet. Cheryl opened with a big thank you for inviting her 'all the way' to tronoh (thats where the uni is located, fyi) which had the audience laughing cos we know that tronoh is like in the middle of nowhere but she thought that we were laughing cos she got the name wrong so that was pretty funny. Aaanyways they were actually here to promote their first albums respectively and sang a few songs for us. And honestly they were not bad. So support local artist yo!

The event ended at around 11.30 and I was suppose to stay for post event briefing till 2am so obviously I bailed and instead followed my friends out to mamak muahaha. Well here are some photos I took with my phone (which would explain the quality)

All rise!

Gamelan Group

Choir singing Jalur Gemilang accompanied by CNJ

Chinese Orchestra

The day will come...

Song of the moment : The Vines - Homesick

Hole

Someone pointed out to me that I let people take advantage of me. That I put more into a relationship than the other person. I laughed and told her that it was completely untrue. Then she went on and list a few examples. But I didnt see those actions as them stepping over my head at all. I did them because they're my friends. Because friends are very important to me. Besides what's wrong with helping a friend in need? She answered, "when the said friend would not do the same thing for you".

Song of the moment : Elliot Smith - Between the Bars

Globes and Maps

Friday, 29/06/2007
8.30am - 2.00pm
- Sieutheng and I arrived way too early at KL sentral (which was a good thing cos we ended up buying a map of Perak which helped us a LOT, trust me)
- at around 10 the rest of the roadtrip people started to arrive. had breakfast at McD and we were on our way
- first mission: squeezing 8 people with their luggages into an avanza that doesnt have a boot. Mission status : success
- second mission: finding a way out of kl and on to the highway. mission status : failed
- so there we were wandering around KL for half an hour until we finally managed to get on to the highway
- stopped at sg buloh at waited for darrens car
- once they arrived we delegated ourselves and headed towards bidor

avanza : jinz, me, fred, kok ket, rudy, ben, justin

darrens car : darren, josephine, christine, bev, sieutheng, sue ling
luggages : darrens car


2.00pm - 5.30pm
- according to darren he was going 80-90 km/h. the avanza was going 100-110 km/h but we didnt manage to catch up and instead held up the traffic ahhaha

- finally we arrived at bidor for lunch at the famous wantan shop
- we then decided to go to pasir salak to refresh our sejarah and also to re-enact the scene where jww birch got murdered
- with only a map to guide us we headed towards pasir salak (which turns out to be way off course but thats the point of a roadtrip rite)

- after about an hour plus of driving and making wrong turning and taking picture with durian and kelapa in the middle of the road and acting like a complete tourist we managed to find ourselves at the Pasir Salak Historical complex.
- we arrived at 4.25 and the complex was closing at 4.30 (great timing right?) aaanyways we walked around a bit, learned a few things, took photos and we were back on the road
- by this time everyone was so tired so we decided to head straight to penang

Somebody looks bored...

5.30pm - 8.30pm
- first thing we needed to do was find a way out of this place. ahhaha easier said that done even with a map.
- but we managed and after a long time soon we were back on the highway
- then it was just driving all the way

most of the time this was the car arrangement
avanza (the happening car ahhaha) : jinz, me, fred, kok ket, sieutheng, christine, ben, justin
darrens car : darren, josephine, bev, rudy, sue ling

8.30pm - 12.00am
- we're in Penang baby!
- paid the toll to get on penang bridge. 15 minutes later we're still not on the bridge eventhough its only 1km away from us (jam giler). justin who was excited at first since he has not been on the bridge before grew tired and kept asking his famous question "are we there yet?"

- finally we were on the bridge and everyone was hungry so we went to pulau tikus for dinner/supper
- they had char kuey teow while I had McDonalds ahhaha
- we sent josephine home and did a little snooping and had interesting conversation in the car while we got lost yet again
- finally arrived at the apartment at 12.02 am

Saturday, 30/06/2007
10.30am - 7.30pm
- everyone started waking up except for freddy who needed extra help to wake up ahhaha

- got ready and went to pick josephine up
- then with the help of a map we headed towards chulia street for their famous chicken rice
- after that we walked i repeat we walked under the hot sun towards jalan penang for their famous cendol and asam laksa but since everyone was full we only had cendol
- then we walked back to the car but not before stopping at 7-11 to cooldown our body (i think we stopped at the 7-11 three times and didnt buy anything)
- next destination : batu ferringhi baby! but first we needed to look at our map to see where it is ahhaha

- we arrived at the beach and in just a few minutes some of us decided to go parasailing (the most spontaneous descision made on the trip)
- then of course the most unforgettable moment of the trip happened. keyword : vomit. but names wont be mentioned to protect the said person ahhaha

- did a lot of camwhoring on the beach

- later headed back towards the apartment using a very winding road up and down the hill which caused the said person above and another one to get very sick.
- an hour later we arrived at the apartment where everyone cleaned up to go for dinner

9.30pm - 2.00am
- went out for dinner on macallister road
- had char kuey teow and oh jien overdose
- managed to get lost again (we got used to it)
- stopped at 7-11 to purchased what would turned up to be later named Peanut Butter Dip

- arrived at the apartment at 2am. the longest dinner we ever had.

Sunday, 1/07/2007
10.30am - 2.00pm
- everyone started waking up except for freddy, again
- we cleaned the house, packed our stuff and said goodbye

- we then went to lorong selamat to eat char kuey teow and oh jien again!
- after that at around 4 or 5 we made our way to the ferry. at this moment ben was doing the driving and for the first time justin wore his seatbelt ahhaha just kidding ben, you were a good driver.

- camwhoring again on the ferry and said goodbye to penang
- we managed to stop at 3 out of 3 stops along the way and even visited an arowana farm (totally random)
- then it was just driving all the way. and we changed drivers a few times so that everyone gets a chance to drive(note: the scarriest driver was justin cos he would always drive at 130km/h eventhough the limit was 110 km/h)
- while justin was driving we got caught in this huge jam before rawang so with nothing better to do we played truth or dare which later changed into dare or dare. the dares would not be mentioned here due to explicit reasons ahhaha. lets just say peanut butter, licking and body parts were involved. the rest is up to your imagination.

one of the dares

- around 11.00 we finally arrived in KL and we had dinner at where it all started, Stevens Corner.

Song of the moment : Landon Pigg - Keep Looking Up

Friend to a Stranger

So I had lunch today with a friend that I haven't seen for about a year now. And I remember feeling really scared and nervous to go meet her. I'm like that everytime I go out to meet someone. Let it be friends who i've known nearly my entire life or even family, I'll get this unsettling feeling inside. No idea where it comes from.

Anyways on the way I kept thinking how awkward it was going to be. Like there'll be awkward silence cos we have nothing to say those kinda stuff. I even made a list of things in my head of what to ask and stuff to talk about just in case you know. But I didn't have to use them. Thank God.

I guess what I'm trying to say is how lucky it is to find someone you can talk to and that they are actually interested to hear what you have to say and not have to be afraid of what they might think of you. These friendships are rare and if you happen to be in one of them, hold on to it and never let go. Cos if you do trust me you'll regret it.

I used to have two very close friends. We were unseperatable, we would do everything together and most of the times it would get us into trouble. Those were the days when we would meet each other everyday without fail. Then as we grew older unfortunately we grew apart. I can't really remember the exact moment it all change but from that moment onwards we were strangers, literally.

Trust me I would do anything to get it back, to the way it was but it takes two to tango. Well I guess in this case it would take three.

Song of the moment : The Hereafter - Back Where I Was

Get the Picture

So I've been studying at Nowhere Uni for about a year now and eventhough it took some time to get used to it, I'll have to admit its growing on me. So here are some pictures I took while walking around the campus =p

Presenting to you the place that I've been living at for the past year and many more years to come.

The Academic Complex where the labs and lectures are held

The Residential Area


The beautiful park at the center of the whole uni where nobody goes to (i wonder why...)

Random photos that we took that day

And this is the photo that we promised to take at the end of each year of our semester

The First of Me

I know I promised some photos but there was some technical error and I don't know how to fix it. Sooooo I wasn't able to post them. But I will do it as soon as I get a useful soul to help me with the problem ahhaha. Aaanyways after giving up trying to post the photos i did this!

Name your top 10 most played bands/artist
(not in order)

Switchfoot
Damien Rice
The Fray
Augustana
Strays Don't Sleep
Keane
Snow Patrol
Travis
Howie Day
Dashboard Confessional

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Keane - She Has No Time

What is your favorite album of 8?
Travis 12 Memories

What is your favorite lyric that 5 has sung?
It's been a long year
Since we last spoke
How's your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it

Actually the whole song is AWESOME

How many times have you seen 4 sing live?
Never... unless you count on youtube ahhaha

What is your favorite song by 7?
Cliche answer - Run, other answer - Set the Fire to the Third Bar

What is a good memory you have involving the music of 5?
Discovering For Blue Skies

Is there a song of 1 that makes you sad?
Switchfoot - Yesterdays

What is the first song you heard by 9?
Howie Day - Collide

What is your favorite lyric that 2 has sung?
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you

How did you get into 3?
I heard their song playing on One Tree Hill

What is your favorite song by 4?
Augustana - Boston

How many times have you seen 9 live?
Again never

What is a good memory you have involving 2?
The first conversation I had about him with someone

What is the first song you heard by 1?
Switchfoot - You

What is your favorite album of 6?
Keane - Hopes and Fears

What is your favorite lyric that 7 has sung?
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

What is your favorite song of 3?
The Fray - How To Save A Life

What is your favorite song of 10?
Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait (Acoustic Version)

What is a good memory you have involving 4?
Introducing them to my friends

How many times have you seen 8 live?
I'm not even gonna bother to answer

What is your favorite album of 9?
Howie Day - Stop All The World Now

Is there a song of 2 that makes you sad?
Damien rice - 9 crimes

What is your favorite cover by 10?
DC did an awesome cover of REM - Everybody Hurts

Now I see why people do this... its fun!!

Song of the moment : Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait (acoustic)

Happy Together

Another 6 months has passed and I have to admit that I really prefer this 6 months compared to the previous. I don't know why maybe it's the new system or perhaps the company, who knows? This semester taught me a lot about friendship and the consequences of choices we made. I did things that I was never brave enough to do and i ended up enjoying myself. I was more relaxed this semester. There wasn't any day that we didn't laugh or joke around.

But the one thing that stands out about this semester is the fact that we organized a dinner for the chemical engineering july '06 batch. To be honest when I first heard about it I didn't think it was going to be a success. I mean we were only given a month to prepare for it! Plus we had assignments and finals coming up. But I was wrong, the dinner was AWESOME and a HUGE success. Sorry guys for having doubts about the dinner...

Building up to the event there was the usual drama; people not wanting to come (main issue), not enough budget, conflict between committee members etc. Hey not everything is going to work out the way you plan rite? Besides it wouldn't be complete without all this drama ahhaha. Anyways we manage to solve most of the problems (we had to go door to door threatening convincing people to come) and a few days before the dinner everything was settled.

Then came THE day. The whole thing went smoothly. The food was great (didn't really get to enjoy that part sob). The performance were awesome (except for one ahhaha). And everyone enjoyed themselves. By the end of the night we managed to achieved the main objective of our dinner which was to create "chemical bonding" (lame i know ahhaha).

p.s I'll post some pic later cause internet here sux and it will take aeons to upload them and I really don't have much time cos I have to sit for my finals in less than 10 hours haha wish me luck!

Song of the moment : Straylight Run - The Words We Say

Trouble In Here

I'm not feeling so good about myself right now. I've been slacking and being very irresponsible. The whole weekend all I did was spend time in front of my computer and I didn't even revise anything! Actually thats like 5% of my problem. I'm not that big of a nerd ahhaha.

Whats really bothering me is how much I've changed as a person. I've forgotten my duties (REALLY important duties) and I've totally messed up my priorities. I've been taking everything for granted and putting all these little things in front of what really matters. And the worst thing is I feel guilty like shit but I'm not doing anything about it, which is what scares me. I used to be afraid of feeling guilty, knowing I did something wrong, and usually this would inspire me to change and make things better but now all I feel is guilt and then nothing.

Don't get me wrong. I desperately want to change, trust me, but everytime there's this voice inside of me making up all this excuses to procrastinate this change. And I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and that guilty feeling is going to be gone. You see I've crossed this line in my life and the guilt is the only thing that's stopping me from losing sight of that line. Which means that if I lose this feeling I'm going to be lost and I just can't see how I'm going to get back to myself.

And to top it all I'm really angry and dissapointed at someone very important in my life (not by choice <-- thats a very mean thing to say) and this anger is making me do things just to piss her off. And so right now as I'm listening to Howie Day's album Stop All The World Now (you know to cool down cos it's such and AWESOME album! if you like his song Collide you would not be dissapointed with the rest of his songs), I'm re-thinking my decision to come back to kl this week.

Song of the moment : Howie Day - Brace Yourself

23

Yea!!
I got it!!

I have been waiting a long long time to watch this movie and now the time has come. You have no idea how desperately I wanted to watch this and now its just a mouse click away! Ever since I saw the trailer I was hooked. I looked for it everywhere and I knew the probability of finding it was like low but I kept looking. Everytime I went to Singapore I would stalk all their video stores looking for the dvd. I didn't care how much it would cost me. I wanted to watch it damnit! And it killed me that it would never show in Malaysia not because of sensitive issues or anything but because the movie was in french and Malaysia don't usually screen french films. I remember coming very close to it once. I was in Bangkok and I was in the car when I looked out and there it was this huge ass poster of the movie right outside the theatre. I got all excited inside and all giddy but then I looked at the bottom of the poster and my heart sank. There in white capital letters were COMING SOON. NOOOOO I screamed. Why couldn't they just show it now when I was in town! But thats that now I have it right in front of me. Seriously I didnt think that this day would come so soon. It amazes me that I actually got what I wanted! Anyways I'm going to go watch it now byebye.

Oh ya the title of the movie is Jeux D'enfants (I asked a friend and apparently it means child's game or something like that) or the english title Love Me If You Dare.

Movie of the moment : Jeux D'enfants

Dead Wrong

I don't even know where to begin. But I need to let this out or it would slowly consume me. I've been keeping this anger inside me and I'm just so tired of hiding it anymore. I hate how I'm always compared to you. You're their little angel. Everyday all I hear is "why can't you be more like her? she's so selfless". Oh please you're the most self centered person I know!

Everything has to be about you. And I hate the fact that no one can see who you really are. What's your problem seriously? Why is it so hard for you to help others for once? Everytime you ask for help I'll always be there even if I have exam the next day. I remember I even had to do an assignment for you once! You know I don't mind helping you but it would help if you'd return the favour once a while.

And it's not like I ALWAYS ask for your help whenever I have something to do. Not like some people. I would always have this feeling inside me whenever I'm on the phone with you helping you with your work (again) that if it was the other way around no way in hell will you be doing what I'm doing. You'll just make up excuses and in the end I'll have do it all by myself.

God I'm just so angry with you right now! You know I actualy don't really mind this at all. Let's just say I've grown immune towards it. But today was not a good day and you refused to help me when I desperately needed it hence this post. My phone is vibrating and a french song is heard but I'm not going to pick it up. There's always a first time for everything.

Song Album of the moment : The String Quartet Tribute to The Fray

More Than Words

I just finished reading a fanfic which I've never come across before which was odd cause on this particular fanfic website I've read almost all of the fanfic posted. The good, the bad even the ugly. So imagine my surprise to see this unfamiliar title. I looked up the author and was further surprised cause I've read the author's work before and she was one of the good ones. If you know what I mean. So why is it I haven't come across this work of hers? I clicked on the link and started reading it word by word. Every sentence, every paragraphed awed me.

You see I've been reading fanfic a lot but I've never written them. But I've dreamt about writing them though. I would make up stories in my head with all this fictional characters but I never told anyone (and now I've told you) well maybe one person knows about this. So I was reading this particular fanfiction and I felt a connection, a sense of familiarity. This was the kind of story that I would write if I could.

It has the correct combination of angst, romance, comedy and of course drama. Just by reading the prologue I was intrigued and soon it became my all-time favourite fanfiction. I could see how much work the author had put in this fanfiction of hers. There was just so much detail. She would put up pictures of the characters whenever they were first introduced. Pictures of places they're at or things they owned. And it was never over the top you know.

She thought about everything. But the one thing that really stands out was the quotes she'd place and the end of a scene. The quotes are so meaningful (i know thats why they're quotes) and fits the story just so perfectly. And most importantly it affects the reader in one way or another. This is what a good fanfiction is. Even after closing the page the words are still in your head, in your heart. You don't mind reading it over and over again just in case you missed something which is impossible since you read it word by word (yea i admit i read this story a few times). You cry with the characters. You feel their joy and even sadness. You'd visit the sit everyday just to see whether its been updated. It's very rare to find this kind of fanfiction which is why once you find it bookmark it!

The reason I’m actually writing this post is because the said fanfiction hasn’t been updated so I found myself reading the story again and I just had the urge to blog about it. And I really hope that it gets updated soon cause I want to know what happens next (she left us with a cliffhanger, evil right?)!

Some quotes taken from the story

"You can fall in love in an instant. It's letting go that takes time."

"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we're never the same."

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
~ Sam Keen

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."

The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.

Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. ~G.K. Chesterton

A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. ~G.K. Chesterton

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson

True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor. ~Homer, Iliad

In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time. ~Author Unknown

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self

If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair. ~William Cowper

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard


Song of the moment : Vega4 - Life Is Beautiful

Lost

Arghhhhh!

what happened?

was it human error?

or a technology mistake?

i hope its the latter.

Song of the moment : Joshua Radin - Closer

Is It Any Wonder?

I can't even begin to describe it. That feeling I had. Seeing your name there. My heart started beating faster. And for awhile I couldn't stop smiling. I just kept staring at your name. I so badly wanted to tell someone or yelled it out loud for the world to know. But I didn't. Cause if the world knew then it would mean that you'd know. And as much as I want you to know, I really don't.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I mean it's just your name right? What's the big deal? But it is a big deal because it means that you actually did what I asked you to do. To be honest I didn't think you would actually do it. I thought you would just forget about it once you stepped out of the restaurant. But you surprised me.

I thought I had to pester you like crazy just like the first time for you to do it. I even had a whole plan and everything. The first time I had to wait for days until you finally did it. So this time I actually prepared myself for the wait. So imagine my surprise to see your name on the list. You actually did it and of course I accepted your invitation.

After that I did the usual things and I stumbled upon your name again. Right there on the top. What a surprise! And on the same day I might add. It was so random. I don't think you've done this before. Well there's a first for everything right? And my day which started out pretty crappy just got a whole lot better. So maybe 2007 won't be so bad after all.

And as I'm writing this I began to wonder. Will this ever go away?

Song of the moment : 8mm - Forever And Ever Amen

Reason To Believe

I walked around saying hello to everyone while waiting for the guys to set up everything in front. I even managed to play a round of big 2. Funny how something that was usually associated with another part of my life can now be associated with the other and finally the two different parts of my life had something in common.

People started coming in. Those who belonged and those invited by friends. But none of it mattered. What started as a group of 30 people had now evolved to 60 people. We took our seats on the floor and waited for it to start. The opening music began and on the screen there was a white feather aimlessly going wherever the wind would take it. Just like our situation 5 days ago. Just doing whatever we were told to. No questions asked.

We've come so far from who we were. We've changed and it's for the better. As I look around I could see some sitting on the floor. Sitting on chairs. Lying on chairs they arranged. Some even lying on their friends. It was our last night at the place and we subconsciously decided to spent it together. Locked in a room. Holding on to our kain pelekat. Cos it was freezing like hell! While watching a movie.

As we were watching the movie we were greeted with a familiar face. Everyone was whispering, "hey is that guy from csi:ny". And just by seeing him in the movie we felt good and calmed. It was like the feeling where you know someone or something familiar in a strange place and you realise that you're not alone in this. Then nearing the end of the movie we were greeted again with another familiar face. He was so young in the movie. Prooving to us how old the movie is. And we started whispering again. This time it was "hey is that kid from A.I. and The Sixth Sense". To be honest I've watched this movie a few times but I've never realised him to be in there.

None of us expected this is how it would end. To be honest we had no expectations at all. But they we were, together. I'm pretty sure that this night would be the last time we would actually spend time with most of the people there. Cos once the movie ends and once we leave that room things would go back to the way it was. The room was like a twilight zone. When we enter it we were friends but once we walked out we were strangers again.

But that night in the room it was just us. No one cared what cliques you were in or what course you're doing. No one was worried about the exam results that was going to be out the next day. That night there was no one to give us pressure. For the two hours we were in that room it was enough to give us hope that we were going to be okay. All we have to do is believe in ourselves.

Here's a famous quote from the movie we watch
"Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get"

Song of the moment : Ray LaMontagne - Lesson Learned

The Forecast

Don't think about it, just act on it!

Say hello to chances and goodbye to what ifs.

Song of the moment : The Calling - Our Lives